Tattoo removal

So today was my first laser removal treatment. I wasn't too nervous, really, but once I was sitting on the table and had a pair of protective goggles on, I did, in fact, feel a slight twinge of fear. The technician, who was very professional and pleasant, gave me two small stress balls,
and I wondered how bad the pain could be?

BAD. VERY, VERY BAD. Probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. Ideas of having other tattoos removed went out the window immediately. I said to myself, I can live with them,
if I can avoid feeling this horrific pain on any other part of my body ever again.

The good news is that it only lasts for about 5 minutes. But the numbing cream they used didn't
really do anything, and I had to ask the tech to stop for a minute. I would have taken more time to rest if he hadn't seemed in a hurry. Once it was done, I was bandaged and left the building on shaky legs.

I really hate tattoos. I hate that I got any of them. I can live with them because I have to,
but I don't know why or what was prompting me to get them done. At least I am not in that mental place any longer, and never will be again. Could be much worse, probably.

My hand looks very puffy and I'm still wearing the bandages, which I think I should take off soon. I'm relieved I have the night off tonight.

Planning my trip back to NYC/NJ in 2 months! I'm going to stay at a cheap hotel, maybe the Pod Hotel, for 3 nights, then try to stay at my aunt's house in Ocean. I called her today and told her about my plans, but she seemed like she wasn't too sure about it. I guess if it's an issue I could stay in a b&b or just get 2 extra nights at a hotel in Manhattan. Not gonna stress things.

Last time I was pretty ill-prepared for a trip back East. I looked a fright and wasn't mentally ready for it, maybe. I'm going to try and get excited and feel good about it this time. I think I'll probably go back to that bar in the East Village and sit in the same place that I sat when I met
'Steve', and try to make peace with some things.

I was browsing jobs in Manhattan today and found this customer service position that is the
same job I do now, and they even advertised for people who are trained in the same type of software that we use. Such a shame I'm here and not there. I almost wanted to email them and
be like 'I use Infinity software! I'll be back in 6 to 8 months! Please wait for me!'. :(

Also looked at apartments in the Ironbound District of Newark. If I can live in Oakland with no problems, then Newark shouldn't be much different. I'm really going to try and plan things better for myself. I don't want to be miserable forever, and unhappy, and hating the place I live.